How am I telling you that a relationship with growing pains can be beneficial? It all depends on how you steer the ship in your life.

The reality is that you are going to go through hardships. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to have an easy life. My relationship, while not perfect, is one of the best parts of my life. I did not get here by becoming lazy once I got married. My wife and I worked hard to get to where we are today. We communicated, we struggled, and we came out on the other side. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows.

We learned priceless life lessons being together for over 10 years. My life is better because of everything we learned from each other.

We all have preconceived notions of what a relationship should look like. Our subconscious navigates us to these made-up standards in our brains. We broke through these fake realities that would have left others in shambles. The reason we had issues, in the beginning, was because we had a picture-perfect partner created in our heads. We realized that life isn’t a movie. Fairy tales do not exist, but we can strive to get as close as we can to them.

My wife and I created problems where there weren’t any. We were figuring each other out, the good and the bad. We struggled and we survived. My wife and I laid the groundwork for how our relationship would grow and then took action on it. This is one of my biggest strengths. I can face adversity and get past it while growing. It is all because I have wired my brain to win.

I said it many times in this book, problems are opportunities for growth.

When I was younger, I thought I would be alone forever. The path I took was one I created. Negativity kept me stuck. My past relationship experiences would not allow my current relationship to flourish. I told myself that I wanted someone to spend my life with. The truth was I wanted someone imaginary. A perfect partner that would not challenge me to grow. I wanted an easy way out with no hardships. My life was spent searching for “the one”, but what I needed was someone to allow me to grow.

There were times when I thought that I was worthless. I felt my purpose had good intentions but was damaging to myself and others. This journey to only accept perfection is the biggest crock of shit you will ever come across. Once I accepted this, a brand new world opened up to me.

I told this personal story of my relationship in the last two sections for a reason. My story is here to help you realize that hope is never lost. You may have found a life partner that you didn’t go through tough times with. Life might be easier for you in some regards. Maybe, you have lived a rockstar life with many partners many times over. You may have lived your life to the fullest up to this point. My life was not easy in these departments. I told this story to show you how to identify “dark spots” in your life. The takeaway I want you to have from this section is – If you think you are not winning in certain aspects of your life, you can turn it around through your thoughts and actions.

My relationship could have gone either way. I could have taken either direction at that crossroads. The ship could have been steered off course. Our brain is powerful. It will steer the ship in the direction we tell it to.

Which brings us to our next incantation, I am built to succeed.

Our brains already have the programming for a successful life. We need to make sure the right outside information is being uploaded to it daily. What we think we want and what we say we want may be different. How we steer the ship is what will get us to our goals.

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f my personal story hasn’t shown you that you can succeed, let me elaborate further. In this section, we will examine our habits and why we have been winning this whole time. 

Analyze your daily habits. Where do your faults lie? Do you overeat, not go to the gym, or have financial issues? Is every day filled with bad habits? Do you think you can be more at your job? Are tasks piling up because of procrastination?

At home or in your career, do you rush to get things done because you have put them off for so long? Is the worry of meeting deadlines always overbearing due to not taking action?

We are succeeding in justifying our actions at all times. If you answered yes to the questions above, you are confirming laziness. You flourish in procrastination. Not to mention, other areas of your life are probably lacking as well.

The lesson here is to ask why you are letting these things happen. Why are we taking action on things that do not get us closer to our goals? How come we know what we must do but constantly sabotage ourselves?

This is why I talked about my marriage. Our beliefs dictate our actions. The behavior we act upon is equal to the results we get. The systems we use will create reality. Days, weeks, or months pass without ever moving forward. What are we trying to do?

“I will never find my soulmate.” “I am forever doomed to remain overweight.” “Everything I do winds up in failure”, “Nothing I do matters in the grand scheme of things.” This type of thinking cements our reality of losing. To have success, you would have to change the beliefs that you hold so dear.

To achieve your goals, you have to believe your current thought process is incorrect!The idea of changing our entire thought process could keep us in our comfort zone. We can’t change! It goes against everything we stand for!

I benefited from realizing that these thoughts are no one’s fault but my own. No one is to blame for my subconscious whether good or bad. Not my parents, my friends, or my coworkers. To blame others for how we live can mess up our circuitry on many levels. I operated negatively without even realizing it because of blaming those around me. 

The ways I hurt myself from blaming others:

• Being 100+ lbs overweight because of the outside stress my environment caused me

• Binge drinking on weekends because I needed to “relax” after a rough work week or a fight with friends or family 

• Not allowing myself to find a significant other because of past relationship trauma

• Going into debt because I needed to feed the addiction of having what others had and to impress those around me 

This is a small list of many things that hindered my life due to blaming and comparing to others. All the examples above happened to me. Some I am still working through. By living this way, my mind would manifest reasons why I should indulge in these bad habits. It also justified me being an absolute shithead to those that I thought were making my life hell. 

What are some ways that this way of thinking has held back your own life? Take a second to list the areas in your life that negative thinking effects. Now, take that list and think about what areas you are successful in. Write down what you come up with. 

For example, if you want to be writing a book but don’t start, your thoughts may identify as a lazy person. Every single time you aim to put in the work and don’t, you cement the fact that you are what your brain is telling you. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? We have these bad habits ingrained in us so deep, we don’t know any other way. Every action, good or bad, has brought us this far in life.

All the successes and failures happened because of our thoughts. At the end of the day, we are still alive and breathing.  

When reading this section, do not restrict yourself to only my examples I describe here. They are specific problems that I created throughout the years. Your life could hold victories that I have never been through. After finishing this section, take a step back and analyze all that we discussed. Start to put the puzzle together and formulate, not only a plan but a new way of thinking.  

When I spoke about my relationship in the previous section, it is because of these reasons. I wanted the perfect relationship I have seen others have.  The fairy tale I made up in my head was unreachable for anybody to achieve. This is not the real world! I created this to compare myself to others and hold my head up high because they didn’t have what my marriage did. 

The truth of the matter is that we all have areas of our life like this. It is not only in relationships but in all aspects of our life. 

Take an inventory of all the things that you did not do. What made you stay in bad habits instead of executing on good ones?  What could we derive from these things that show us we are still succeeding? The arguments we get into with others and ourselves, what is causing this?

I would have every excuse in the book not to clean my house after work. There could be dust bunnies hanging out, dishes to get washed, and bathrooms to clean. I would sit there and tell myself that work was too hard today to keep working when I got home. While not good habits perse, I was successful in being lazy.  

Sometimes the lengths I would take to stay comfortable are astonishing. 

The good part is that I noticed these behaviors. It shows that I am built for success. Lots of people would go about their day thinking this was fine. I do not. What all this taught me is that whatever I set my mind to, I will achieve. Even if that achievement is laziness or procrastination. 

The power lies within your own mind, how will you use it? Will it be for good or bad? Both are achieving and succeeding at something, which would you choose?

As of this reading, you may think that there is nothing you can do to break these negative thought patterns. You are forever destined to be overweight, lazy, and a loser. 

I am here to tell you that that is not the case. We can use our minds to think about the ways we wish we could. The shift has to be from the negative to a positive. We are built for success, we need to start steering the ship towards what we really desire. The ship needs to sail towards the positive. We have the brainpower to do it, we have been doing it for things that make us mad for years. Why not start using that same power to steer the ship towards a life of change and abundance?

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The thoughts we create determine our success. Action comes from this process – good or bad.

The entire book thus far, we have spoken about how thoughts determine our lives. We can make good decisions all day and it will not be enough.

Our mantra, I am successful,will show you your greatness. It will reveal your self-worth. Even after doing all this, we still need a plan of action.

We need to plan out the course we want to take and act on it. Positive thoughts need to be the new default. This will allow us the energy we need to make each day count. Here is how to start:

Examine what areas you want to change. It could be prior topics from this book or something unrelated.

Where would we like to see progress? How will we know when we have accomplished something of value?

The process of breaking down goals shows this progress. What exactly will we need to do to get it? How can we measure that we are getting closer to our goal?

For example, when I began my weight loss journey, I researched extensively. Once I determined what was best for me, I created a plan around that. I needed a diet I could stick to and an exercise regime that didn’t conflict with my hectic lifestyle. Meanwhile, I was forming new habits that coincided with my lifestyle. I broke down what a normal day would look like and tweaked it for easy application. The process was truthful and concise. I knew what my life entailed daily and I was honest about that. Your reality will dictate your success.

Next, I had to make sure my mindset agreed with the new habits. If I was to actually lose weight after years of trying and failing, all cylinders had to be firing together. The years I wasted on being uncomfortable and tired gave me a relentless mindset. The old ways never worked for me. Which means, neither did the old way of thinking. My mind was going to tell me all the bullshit it did that got me here. I changed how I was thinking on a deep level to guarantee victory on this quest.

Once I faced the reality of my weight issue, I was ready to finally attack it. The only way I was able to do it was by changing my actual self. I took the bad thoughts and filled my head with how better life would be as a fit person. My vision turned towards how much better I would feel instead of how I felt in the present. I envisioned every aspect of the new me and felt in my core how great my new life would be. The only warning I can give is to not get too caught up in visions. The future is not the present.

We have discussed how our thoughts determine almost everything in our lives. This means we will have to do a lot of work to rewire our minds to get to the destination we desire. As you digest this book, reflect on these thoughts so you can change them as we progress.

By determining the areas of our life we are not happy with, we will see the reasons we don’t progress. The past traumas in our lives are the reason.

The trick is to start feeling and envisioning the future. A time and place where we leave those limiting beliefs of the past behind. By feeling our future, it is more likely we will become that. Remember, we are already winning, harness those wins to project yourself forward. Instead of sabotaging all your efforts, change the direction you wish to get to. This means, identifying when the ship is going off course and have enough awareness to correct it. The more you can see yourself deterring from the path you set, the better you can regain control to continue on it.

When the journey is set, thoughts align, and you are relentless, it is only a matter of time for success to happen.

We are built for success. YOU are built for success. Plan out your journey, understand the challenges you will face, and take action. You will learn so much about yourself and your thoughts through taking action.

When you understand yourself on a deep level, you will break free of the chains that have held you back for so long. The better we conquer our thoughts and rewire our brains, the more opportunities open up to us. This creates the space we have always wanted to be in.

It is time to begin your journey. Believe in yourself. Do not go against the current any longer but ride the waves to victory. Allow yourself to win in ways you have never dreamed of. Demand the success you deserve and do not forget the mantra, We are built for success!

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